This is special, Charlotte. Hope, faith, and love are everything.
“The Girl Who Had Hope”
2/26/2012
By: Charlotte Nagy
acrylic paint
Pat, I am so touched by your blog. I have tears in my eyes. What an extraordinary human being you are. That is so much bigger than any other kind of attainment we can achieve on this planet. I love you so much. You continue to amaze me. In love and friendship, Lisa
When I was a kid, I would watch award shows and see big music stars and big time actors saying they loved their fans. It always made me crack up, knowing none of them would ever go out of their way to give any of their fans the time of day. It’s actually kept me from saying I love my/our fans on…
I was so touched by your post, Pat. This moment with your Dad and all of your brothers and sisters sounds profound. To be together in a moment like this is a gift. In my experience, these liminal moments are bittersweet, filled with love and sadness that no moment comes twice. Things change because we are living. And ultimately, that is Ok. Love and blessings to you and your family, especially to your father, who is clearly surrounded by the love and support of his family.
Then I will live to a very old age. I was just with ALL of my brothers and sisters for the first time in ten years. That was Thanksgiving just before my mom passed away.
So, there we were in Erie, PA to be with my dad during a pretty scary time for all of us due to his health struggle at 85…
What a touchingly gorgeous, poetic post. You take what is given in the wave and you add back the fullness of your beautiful being. The wave is different for your energy diving into it. This place of being out at sea, paddling into the unknown, diving into waves is how I am feeling right now. This shift to confidently doing it now. Tremendous optimism. Being in the doing. Your idea is amazing! Of course, I’m in. :-)
There’s a moment when you paddle out to sea, just before the wave in front of you breaks, it seems like both you and the ocean hold your breathe and you leap into one another. I feel like I am in that state of mind a lot these days. I’m waiting to leap in and hope for the best. When you rise up to…
Pat, I really value hearing about your life outside of music and how you are feeling. First, you are loved and appreciated. You know that, right?
I am still on a steep learning curve, but I have come to the view that expectations and frustrations are linked. A woman I know once said, “An expectation is a premeditated resentment.” I thought it was both funny and true. Expectations are the “shoulds” we hang over ourselves and others. They are usually unspoken. Then, when other people don’t meet them (and many people don’t share our “rules”), it can lead to frustration, negative judgements (which for me, are distancing), and perhaps to flowing out in frustration (also distancing).
I find that I also hold expectations about myself. They are generally not fully thought through, more of constellation of different ideas that hang together. Perfectionism tends to hang out there, just this vague expectation that I should be perfect in every way in order to be Ok. But exactly what perfect is, is not clear. Then when I’m not meeting those ambiguous and probably impossible expectations, the frustration and negative comments flow inward. Worse, there is the second-guessing and self-judgement that arises when there has been a hard word or feeling in my relationships.
I find that there is such a strong relationship between judging myself and judging others. The more self-judgement, the more stressed I am, the more likely I am to have expectations of others and negatively judge them and myself. The life coach and author Rhonda Britten calls it the “wheel of fear.”
What Rhonda recommends, and what I’ve learned through other sources, is to jump off the wheel. It’s wierd but when we are on the wheel, the thing that we feel we must do, is the thing that generally keeps us on the wheel. For me, the wheel is work. Therefore, getting off the wheel involves doing something counterintuitive, that lifts us up and empowers us. Like doing something just for fun, for the enjoyment of it, talking with a good friend, stargazing, take a mental vacation.
I subscribe to the view that when we are inspired and happy we are actualizing our greatest gifts. For me, it’s like the wheel of fear is the “shoulds” is like a kind of external locus of control, giving our power to some point of view, often one that is internalized from the outside. If I can be speculative for a moment, I suspect that that part of the rational ego that tries to run and control our lives is our internationalization of these external shoulds. So, paradoxically, I think of it as both power-from-without and self-will.
For me, the “wheel of freedom,” involves getting in aligment with our spiritual power from within. Reconnecting with our happiness, inspiration, and purpose. I see that all hugely in you.
I’ve also found that a brisk 30 minute walk can clear a lot of that accumulated stress from the body. Yoga, also helps.
Live life to the fullest today. You are exceptionally, really loved.
I stopped drinking about 16 years ago. That’s about the time music actually started to become a possible future for me. Every since then though, I have not had an epic New Years Eve.
I’m thinking that it’s just a strange time for me in general but this year was just as weird as the past 15. Not…
Pat, Hearing from you is like the breath of Spring! I am glad that you have had the space to be very family lately, and I am sure they are so glad to have you and hold you, we will be lucky to get some of you back for the next season of music.
I was thinking recently, as you said, I hope we all have many more years of music together, singing, mosh-pitting :-)) lol and everything. And, if when you are old and grey, you don’t feel like moshpitting anymore then, I hope we will all have great big reunions where we can continue to share this great good happy feeling.
Hope you continue to enjoy normal time with your family, and thank you for the Pat energy. So happy to read you. Love, Lisa
I’ve been very family lately so I have kind of been away but please except my deepest thank you for the wonderful life you’ve given me and my family. Train fans and friends are kind and thoughtful and so what I’m trying to be more of.
I hope that we get many more years of sharing life moments…
Love you Kelly! I love those butterflies <3
We land in Erie PA, a small airport with friendly people, a smile at every glance. We walk through the revolving doors to the outside air, slightly crisp and warmed by the autumn sunshine. We walk a few steps and Phillip stops, closes his eyes while taking in a deep breath “It feels really good…
